Boundary tips + personal share: small triggers reveal big lessons
Have boundary lessons been coming up for you as we wind down this final year in a 9-year cycle? I’m currently finding myself in yet another round of what I call boundary bootcamp.
A few days ago my new tenant moved in, and we found ourselves negotiating boundaries after I was jolted awake at 4 AM by the pungent aroma of dark roast coffee.
We agreed she wouldn’t turn her upstairs office into a café and would make her coffee downstairs in the kitchen. Seemed workable…
Until…after a 13 hr day of working in DC, I found myself up until nearly midnight trying to remedy my frozen solid HVAC condenser outside. I really wanted to sleep in. So when I got jolted awake the third morning in a row at 4 AM by Pike Place French Roast, I was more than a little irritated. The smell was so strong I was convinced she was brewing upstairs and ignoring our agreement.
I went straight into the “no one ever listens to me” kid-energy and got so angry I made a little unnecessary noise so she’d know I wasn’t pleased.
Then comes a 4:15 AM text: “Would you like to talk about it?” My exhausted reply: “No, I’d like to go back to sleep.”
By the end of the day, I learned she did brew the coffee in the kitchen, so I actually wasn’t being ignored like I was in childhood.
We later had a long conversation, starting with her saying she was thinking about moving out..and I felt l incentivized to make this work – I unexpectedly need a new wheel, four new tires, and an alignment… which her rent conveniently covers this month. (I’ve been noticing things always seem to “go wrong” right before I travel outside the matrix of the US. I’m heading to Oaxaca on Sunday – yay!)
Ironically it turns out that she’s as sensitive to all of my herbal aromas as I am to her coffee. Her migraines have also come on full force this week, so I immediately shifted from resentful neglected child into compassionate healer. Thankfully I had acupuncture yesterday morning, which helped release the pent-up liver-meridian energy – so I was more open to talking.
After we spent some time learning about each other, and figuring out how to solve the coffee situation, it became clear that while we’re both “go-with-the-flow” women…but we also have strong inner convictions.
In the end, I think this has been a case of alpha female energies negotiating each other.
So…I’m getting some air-purifier plug-ins, and I roasted my own beans from Ethiopia in the kitchen to help desensitize myself (and balance the coffee energies – I do like the smell when I make it!).
I’m also seeing this as an opportunity to go to bed earlier and optimize my melatonin levels this winter.
At the end of the day, boundary work is always about inner-child terrain. If we weren’t listened to when we were growing up, even a small stressor can swell into something big because the old emotional imprint gets activated. The body truly remembers what it feels like to not be heard!
If you’re in your own boundary bootcamp right now, here are three practices that helped me this week:
Slowing down and asking: What part of me is being activated?
Re-centering and re-regulating. Self-care, space, bodywork – anything that helps discharge the charge and bring you back to center.
Looking for a middle path. We often think boundaries have to be “this or that” when we feel impacted. But boundaries can have flex. It’s okay to try something a different way and see how it goes. Rinse, repeat.
We’re all navigating a lot right now – the holidays are prime inner-child season.
So check in with yourself: What would your inner child enjoy now?
Mine enjoyed a trip to a local farm where I bought greenery and a wreath I decorated myself. I also got the white lights up on my Japanese cherry tree – oh how I love a lit tree! My creative side felt thoroughly soothed.
So it’s important to be extra gentle with yourself now: you’re juggling a lot this busy season while healing lifetimes of old patterns as you go!
warmly,
Dr. Marie
PS if you ready to release and reset, sign up for one my live sound healing events this month: the Teal center in Arlington or at Lakeside Mama’s in Charles Town.